Why I Broke Up With Luke's IEP

It's not a secret.  Most everyone knows that I am trained and experienced Special Education Teacher. I have specialized mainly in special education preschool.  I have written over 100 IEP's and conducted just about as many meetings.  It has prepared me for advocating for my own children's needs. Luke has been on an IEP, or Individualized Education Program, since he was three years old.  He has an IEP because of his vast medical needs and learning struggles.  It is a plan set in place to help support him in the classroom.  Truth is if Grace attended public school she would have an IEP too for her needs.

This past week, I ended his IEP and my relationship with Evergreen School District.  I revoked his services and severed the connection.  Truth be told...his IEP plan really did NOTHING for him.  It was 15 pages of paper that did the bare minimum to help him. He attended a social group for 30 minutes a week, and had small group support for math and writing in the classroom.  He also had special accommodations for testing situations (mainly the state MSP testing).

The beginning of February Luke moved schools.  He began attending Camas Christian Academy. Honestly, I was scared of making this transition for him in the middle of the school year, but things hadn't been going very well in public school.  Over the last 5 years at our neighborhood public school, I have developed quite a reputation.  When one threatens a lawsuit you don't become a favorite parent. Multiple requests to help out and volunteer in Luke's classroom were met by STRONG opposition to me coming into his classroom, issues with his special education teacher, and one very horrible bus incident and Mark and I felt it was time.  Recently Luke confided in me that his previous teacher would yell repeatedly at the class and he told me that he felt she did not like him.  

The plan was to move him to CCA and also access his IEP services from the public school.  It was nearly six weeks before the school district responded to my requests for continued IEP services. During those six weeks, Mark and I watched as Luke found his way in a small mixed level classroom. 17 students, 2 teachers and differentiated instruction (meaning students are grouped and instructed at their academic level).  All of Luke's needs that were addressed on the IEP were being met in his classroom on a daily basis without and IEP.  He was in a small group for math, homework is adjusted based on his needs, accommodations are made to meet his medical needs.  We couldn't be happier! Ultimately, we decided that we didn't want to disrupt his school day by shuttling him back and forth between schools and having him miss instruction and class time.  And I am RELIEVED we will not have to live through the MSP MELTDOWN this year!!!

Since switching schools, I have been able to visit Luke each day in the classroom checking on his work and progress, communicate each day with his teachers, attend a class party and a field trip.  He has been to the symphony, a farm and has gone bowling.

I used to make myself sick debating the public school, private school, homeschool debate.  I have come to the conclusion that there is no PERFECT answer.  They all have there pro's an con's.  What works for one child will work differently for another.  Instead of trying to find the perfect school situation, I am finding the school that best supports each of my children.

When I called Evergreen School District to let them know of our decision to end his IEP, the staff said they were thrilled that Luke was doing so well in his new school and they were proud of the progress that he had made.  However, it was completely different story when I got the paper work in the mail to make it official.  The forms are written in such a way that makes you as a parent feel like you are hurting your child.  It states: The purpose of of this written notice is to inform you that, while the district believes that your child continues to be in need of services, the district will stop providing special education services to your child, based on your written revocation of consent.  It furthers says: The team continues to recommend the special education services, but the parent requested a revocation of consent in writing.  The parent is choosing for Luke to attend private school without accessing any special education services for her child.  Isn't that nice!  Even now it makes me feel like a monster.  Luke's IEP has been nothing but a battle...even an emotional battle in revocation.  I have fought for him, for justice and finally for release.  It is time to let go.  Time for my buddy to spread his own wings without strings attached.  I know he is going to fly.

Welcome Back

It has been well over a month since the last time anything was written on this blog.  It hasn't been for a lack of events, celebrations or struggles, but merely a lack of time.  March was a CRAZY month full of three birthdays for my kids, plus other birthday parties, a school auction, report card writing, the conclusion of our remodel (another post to share), a new pet, some respite foster care and the beginnings of spring break.

My babies are all officially a year older.  11, 9 and 4 and I find myself marveling at how quickly time passes by.

We celebrated all three birthdays together at Big Al's Bowling Alley.  I must say I enjoyed how easy the party was, attention to detail and service.  And the BIG plus was that I did not have to clean before or after!

I have been really happy these past couple months.  I have found joy in the small things (sunshine on my face, the smell of freshly cut grass (SPRING), my job, my husband, good friends).  

I have even been challenged to "let go" of some things...some things that needed to drift off for awhile...perhaps returning at a different time.  I sometimes feel scared to let things go.  I worry if I have made the right choice, and often second guess myself.  However, this time I have found a new freedom in not feeling overwhelmed and stressed.  It has opened some more time to enjoy the things right before me (my children).

During the last month, Grace has started piano lessons and enjoys singing and music, and Luke is gearing up for his third season of Columbia River Miracle League baseball.  If you ever want to see a game...it is amazing...I dare you to come and NOT cry...please contact me and I can give you the baseball schedule.  You can read about MY first experience with Miracle League here....Luke's Baseball

Bella is doing well.  She is the "number 4" now.  If you spend time with her she will probably ask you, "what's your number?" Meaning "how old are you?"  Our family has been mostly healthy since Christmas.  Bella still struggles with a croupy cough every once in awhile but I have found that doterra's oil blend called "Breathe" really helps calm her cough and airway.  I also run an ultra sonic humidifier in her room each night.  She is the owner of the "frog" shown below.

There is really so much more to say and I have started some work on some more posts.  But I am here...really I am...life is good...life is full. I am blessed!

Time is Life

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.~ J.R.R. Tolkien

I look around the kitchen table tonight.  Three kids chatting and arguing and discussing silly things while slurping noodles and chicken.  My almost 11 year old boy, becoming more of man with each passing tick of the clock.  My almost 9 year old daughter, surrounded by her latest drawings and paintings, awakening hidden talent and gifts.  My almost 4 year old, full of life, conversation and personality.  I want to freeze time.  Stop the rotation of this planet, slow it down for awhile.  How is it that my son is almost 11, my girl almost 9, and the baby almost 4?  When did it happen?  I am blinking and time is ticking away...

I recently read a life changing book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  So much of the book spoke to me. To the deep me...my spirit.  She writes, "They say time is money, but that's not true.  Time is life.  And if I want the fullest life, I need to find fullest time.  I wipe a water spot off the tap; there is a reflection of me.  Oh, yes, I know you, the busyness of your life leaving little room for the source of your life.  I'm the face grieving.  God gives us time.  And who has time for God?"  The words hit me smack in the face.  I am the guilty one.  Guilty of wasting time, wishing away time, hurrying time up...getting to the next thing, the next milestone, next appointment, next therapy, next house, next car, next vacation, next weekend.  Guilty of trying to cram too many activities in our limited time, pushing harder, always racing from one things to the next.  Hurry up, faster, quicker only to realize my goal for efficiency was really throwing time away.

Psalms 39:6 says, "We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing."  The alarm rings and the race begins.  Hurry, hurry, hurry, rush, rush, rush.  Many mornings spent in frustration and tears because of time.  Thoughts about is this right?  How can I slow things down? Am I spending my time the way I am supposed to?  I struggle with time.  We face each other and awkwardly dance.  Time slips away and is ever present.  You can't buy more, stop it, slow it down.  It is not a respecter of persons. And so the question remains...what am I doing with the limited time I have? Life is but a mist.  Am I living in the moment?  Am I savoring each experience?  Time will continue to march on...me unable to stop it.

I am watching my almost four year old sleep next to me on my bed in the family room.  Yes, my bed is in the family room.  About a month ago our furnace went out.  It is located in our attic.  It leaked water.  A lot of water.  My master bedroom and bathroom are out of commission until the repairs have been completed.  Meanwhile...I am sleeping in the family room (not so soundly).  I look upon my sleeping beauty and wonder when did her little legs get so long?  Her hair grow out?  When did she lose the baby fat in her cheeks?  Tears fall.  When will be the last time I hold her?  Carry her to her bedroom?  How long till she doesn't need me to buckle her in her car seat, hold her hand to cross the street or want to ride in her stroller anymore?  Time...tomorrow another day older than before.  

I think about the things that are important to me.  My husband, my kids, my family.  I wonder everyday am I doing a good job?  Am I training my kids up the way I desire?  I fail.  I fail daily.  I yell, I overreact, I hurt, I struggle.  Each day I get up and face the day...most days I get up and feel my heart beating out of my chest.  Sometimes the day seems like a mountain, unable to climb from where I sit.  I worry and stress.  I hold myself to an impossible standard.  

I long for enough time to accomplish the purpose God has set out for me.  To be thankful for each moment, to be thankful for each day...to be thankful for all the time that has been given.

Foster Family

"... let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." ~1 John 3:18

I keep trying to come up with a fantastic, creative way to announce that we are an officially licensed foster home again, but I can't find the right words.  So...we are thrilled to announce we have fulfilled the requirements, met the standards, and completed the goal we set out to accomplish!  I once again claim the title of "foster mom".  

~"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do.  God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

After being foster parents for nearly 10 years, we let our foster license expire last March.  We thought that chapter in our lives had come to an end.  By mid-summer God began speaking to my heart.  Whispering..."I'm not done with you yet."  I dismissed God by my understanding of how much work it would require to become re-licensed.  I recounted the heart-ache, the tears shed for a broken system, the pain associated with the road of foster care.  But I also thought of the babies, the triumphs, the service, the love, the aspects of foster care that you cannot measure with time, or money, or what "I get out of it".  

Summer passed and I continued to ignore the whispers that tugged at my heart.  Sure, Mark and I had conversations about it, but it was always something for the future, or put on the back burner. Summer faded into fall.  Fall bring busyness and activities and there seemed there was no time to think about a foster license.  But one night in October, one conversation with a friend, one little boy, would become my inspiration for our return.  

October 23, Mark and I turned in our first big packet of paperwork.  It would be three long months before everything would be finished.  So much has changed in the world of foster care in the last 10 years.  The licensing processes were VERY different.  Ten years ago, it was classes, paperwork, home inspection, license.  This process was paperwork, doctors appointments, finger prints, classes, interviews, home inspection, another home inspection, another interview, home inspection, interview my kids.  I felt I was put through the fire, so to speak.  There was not an area of my life that was left untouched or not discussed, questioned, or written about.  Parenting styles, medical history, education, sibling relationships, parental relationships, marriage, faith, career, personal goals, family goals, kids special needs, financial worksheets, etc... I felt very vulnerable and emotionally spent after this experience.

But I was CALLED to foster care, we were led back.  It wasn't a question of if, but when.  And no matter how many hoops we had to jump through, we were determined to complete the process.  And we did.  The completely exciting and terrifying part of this process is that we are uncertain of God's plan or direction within foster care.  Ten years ago, we got our foster license with the sole purpose of adopting and becoming parents.  This time we aren't waiting for a specific child.  We are out of our comfort zone, but that is good.  We are ready to serve and ready to be used, to give sacrificially to others both children and families.  We have been filled up to be poured out, and I am anxious to see all that Lord has purposed for us.  And now we wait for the opportunities. to serve....and though we have been licensed for only two days...the phone has already been ringing..

.~"The harvest indeed is plentiful, but the laborers are few."  Matthew 9:37

Jumping Through Hoops...More Waiting...No License Yet...

I've been waiting for the day I can post "We have our foster license".  But...today is not that day.

It's been three months since this journey started.  Three long months of doing so many different things (paperwork, classes, training, inspections, more inspections, interviews, doctors appointments..etc.).

 I thought we had reached the end of the journey...but as an email would surface today we have yet more hoops to jump through.  More things need to be completed.

I felt extremely discouraged this morning.  I just keep feeling like they are going to keep coming up with more and more and more things they want and need.

What is even more frustrating is that we were foster parents for nearly 10 years and they are putting us under the microscope now (even though they have a huge file on us from our history with the state).  I feel like we developed good relationships with the state and the social workers.  It is just weird to have to start completely over from scratch again.  I don't understand.  We just want to help.

So on Thursday, I will once again welcome CPS into our home (doing another full house clean) so they can continue the interview (for the third time).  I guess they have to have all of my children's opinions on how they feel about foster care.

So much has changed in the last 10 years since we were first licensed.  It took two and half months 10 years ago with all the training.  I am trying to remember we are almost there, but each time I think we are done, or they tell me we are done, they come back with "just one more thing."  I'm so frustrated today.  Encouragement welcome!

He Will See

Every three months Luke has an eye appointment at CASEY EYE OHSU in Portland.  For the last four years, like clock work we take him.  They check his vision, eye pressures and optic nerves.

At times they have often thrown in a specialized test or two, or three to look at all possible causes for Luke's childhood onset glaucoma.  (Remembering the detailed retina testing).

This past Tuesday, was another one of our appointment days at CASEY.  It is nerve wracking.  I always wonder what news we are going to be given.  Too many times we have sat in chairs receiving news that we didn't expect to hear.  Too many diagnosis' to process.

The doctor said Luke looked good.  So good in fact that if his next round of visual fields are good they are going to back off the appointments.  We will get six months between appointments instead of three. She said she would no longer worry about Luke.  Luke's eyes will never be "normal", but the doctor is considering the possibility that Luke's optic nerves are perhaps genetically abnormal, instead of something causing them to abnormal.  Which means whatever sight he lost has been that way since birth.  And she won't expect his condition to cause more sight loss.  A MIRACLE!

Luke will SEE.  He has less of a chance of losing anymore vision with the new information coming from the doctor.  Where as years ago we struggled with thoughts about if Luke would go blind, we are now allowing ourselves to imagine a future where Luke is NOT visually impaired.

Just last week I held Luke as he sobbed, "Mom, I wish God made me different.  Why did he make me with glaucoma? You don't know what it is like to lose your vision."  It is so true...I don't have a clue what it is like, but I know God doesn't make mistakes, and HE made Luke absolutely perfect.  I just happen to have a front row seat to watch a MIRACLE being performed in the life of my son!

Still Waiting...

It is difficult to describe the anticipation I feel inside.  When I've tried talking to Mark about what I feel, I can't adequately put the feeling into words.  We've been pursuing our foster license since October 23, 2013.  We aren't waiting for a specific child (like we were with Luke), but planning to start off by providing respite care.  But deep within me, I know that there is a specific reason we are walking this path...only I can't look you in the eye and tell you what that reason is, who it is for, or what God has planned.  I can only tell you...I am walking this path in faith for something in the future.  There is a specific reason why we are being called back...we are just waiting in anticipation for whatever it is.

There is reason we have laid our lives as an open book before the Division of Children and Family Services, a reason we have allowed our lives to go under a microscope, our pasts to be laid out on multiple pieces of paper, our financial documents, our background checks, our fingerprints, our cooperation with rules not designed by us.  There is a reason Mark and I have been through two hour interviews exploring all of our family pasts, relationships and children.  We have allowed our children to be interviewed...giving them a chance to describe what foster care means to them.  We have welcomed social workers into our home to deem our home "acceptable", allowed to look and evaluate our space, kids rooms, medical boxes, firearms etc.

It is an act of simple obedience to the call we feel we have on our lives.  Believe me...it isn't glamorous, it isn't an act of sainthood, it isn't even convenient or easy, but it is a road we feel compelled to go down.  I tried ignoring the calling for awhile, but there it was...starring at me.  I am not done with you yet.  That is the phrase that lingers in the place between awake and sleep.  A promise of fulfillment of a purpose.  One foot in front of another starting a new journey.

We are still working toward our license and it is approaching the 3 month mark.  We found out today we need to have another home inspection to recheck a couple of items.  Mainly we found out at our last home study/first inspection that we can actually be licensed for 2 foster children in our home.  This was different than what I thought.  I thought we could only have one more based on the size of our home.  However; we thought that for the purposes of respite care it might be helpful to be licensed for 2 kids.  One 0-5 year old and one child under 2 years.  So, even though we have an additional bed (the bunk that fits over Luke's bed) they have to see it all set up with a mattress and bedding...which I understand, but it is another hoop to jump through.  Now to find a twin mattress....I just want to have the piece of paper in my hands that says we are licensed...that we have completed this process.  It will come but in the meantime I am waiting...

I miss being home with my kids...this winter break has made me realize how quickly I can jump back into the role of mom.  I miss the simplicity of just worrying about them and the house.  My heart truly is at home.  I struggle daily with working a job.  I enjoy the interaction, but not all of the stress that comes with work.  This has been true no matter what job I have worked.  I continually struggle with the guilt of not meeting their needs.  My children needing more of me than I can give.  I wish there was a way.

I've been thinking about all the other commitments in my life an trying to figure which are really the most important.  I know I am going to blink and this time with my children will be gone.  I am so afraid I am doing everything wrong, when I desire to do do it all right (if there is such a thing).

Why does life have to be difficult sometimes?

 I know what I want...I just don't know how to get there.

 These are the moments I wish my dad was here to talk to.  He was always so creative with solutions.  I had a VERY difficult Christmas season without him this year.  Our 10th Christmas without him.  I would walk into the mall and cry...pass by Starbucks and cry...hear a song on the radio and cry.  I had several big ugly cries about him not being here this Christmas.  Just a really difficult season.

I can still see him dancing with my mom on Christmas Eve in our living room on 121st Avenue to Kenny G.  The fireplace lit and the smell of dinner still lingering in the air.  Dad sipping his 8th cup of coffee for the day and mom washing dishes, David playing video games (I guess some things never change :)  I thought a lot about Christmas' past while I was so sick this Christmas.  What good memories...what good times.  I would like to think he would be proud of the woman I have become.

He would have loved his grandkids...he would have cherished them (the way he did with David and I). I think that is the one thing I really struggle with him being gone...my kids.

 

So as 2013 draws to an close, I am so thankful for all the blessings in my life.  So many things to fill gratitude for.  I end this year waiting...in anticipation for what is to come.

When Life Doesn't Happen The Way You Planned

It is the day after Christmas, and I am typing from my bed where I have currently been for the last two days.  I can hear the kids playing, video games blaring, happy sounds from sisters... I'm sure who are doing things they shouldn't.  But I haven't the strength to get out of bed right now and check.  The last two days I've been sick, Mark's been sick and Bella's been sick.  Stomach virus! Of course Bella is as good as new right now.  Mark and I are another story.  Nothing quite like both parents being out of commission.  It's the worst of circumstances and has only happened one other time in our parenting history.

Yesterday was Christmas...yesterday was supposed to be wonderful, happy, full of family, good food and yummy sweets. Luke had even picked out a beautiful center piece for our Christmas table. Yesterday didn't go as planned.  My big wonderful Christmas consisted of crackers, Gatorade and sleeping on the girls' floor next to my three year old with a yellow bowl beside her bed.  No family came, no Christmas clothes worn (no one changed out of pj's all day), no big meal cooked.  The one constant...there were presents, but not celebrated in the traditional way.  I cried a lot yesterday...from the disappointment, from the sickness, from the let down.  It was not the way I had envisioned Christmas.  

I felt sad that our families, who were supposed to come over, were left without a Christmas meal or plans of being with family.  The whole day just felt unreal.  I have never have been sick on Christmas...EVER...until yesterday.

I am blessed that we celebrated with my Mom and Roger on Christmas Eve.  I'm so glad we had a wonderful sick free time.  This year has been extremely brutal for sickness in our home.  It began the middle of August and has not let up.  I have tried to figure out why all this sickness, why everyone has been so sick this year...more sick than any other year.  We've had ear infections, croup (X 3 rounds), bronchitis, walking pneumonia, sinus infections, 2 trips to the ER, more ear infections, stomach flu (X 3 rounds), strep throat (2 of us), more sinus infections, trips to urgent care on Sat and Sun, and what we thought was a kidney stone (again) but feeling blessed it was just a pulled muscle and the CT showed all clear.  I'm exhausted!  We even had sickness on our vacation in Maui (a round of croup for Bella and a stomach bug for Grace).  I keep holding onto faith that we are going to get better, but all we can manage is 1 week of sickness free before someone comes down with something again.

I've changed sheets, toothbrushes, used disposable cups, napkins, plates, silverware, washed, bleached etc.  I'm so tired and worn down with all the worry/anxiety regarding all this sickness.  This is not like our family.

I tried to make the best of yesterday...I really did try.  The kids opened more presents, ate and watched movies.  They seemed happy, but every once in awhile made a comment about where everyone was and when we were having Christmas dinner.

Life is complex.  It doesn't always happen how you plan.  It's difficult for me to believe that Christmas is now over and it didn't happen the way I planned.  I have to accept the fact that this year, for whatever reasons, was meant to be this way.

Just praying Mark and I make a full recovery soon...or the kids will end up running the household.

Merry Christmas the Day After....
The Dahl Family

Foster License Updates!

 We are nearing the end of the foster care licensing process...hopefully.  As always there are unexpected things that pop up even if you think you have covered it all, checked and double checked.  One such unexpected thing was that we needed to show proof that we have had a tdap shot (the whooping cough one).  Fortunately we had both already received it and our children have received the dtap (same thing but just for kiddos).  Another quick trip to the doctor's office...it's been three trips so far (but who is counting)...and bam!  Proof of immunization for both of us.  A quick photocopy for our records and now to submit to our licensor.  

A lesson you learn early on as a "newbie" as foster parents is to be flexible and that things change...that being said we do have one "concrete" fact that we can count on.  Who ever comes through our door into our home will be a BOY.  We can count on that!  It is not that we are playing favorites or trying to "even" out our ratio of boys to girls in the house.  It is strictly a licensing issue.  Due to our square footage and the rule that a child over the age of 6 years has to share a room with the child of the same gender.  Luke is the one with space in his room...so BOY it is!

We are planning to be licensed for a boy ages 0-3 years.  We are open to whatever avenue God would direct our hearts.  Our hearts are OPEN.  Mark and I have done a lot of talking and we are certain we are going to start out this journey doing respite care for other foster parents.  It's been many years since we have fostered and we want to get our feet wet so to speak.  Right now we are just enjoying the journey.  Waiting...waiting...waiting.  Waiting for fingerprints to return, background checks to come back, licensing scheduling to open up.

While we are waiting we are preparing our home for the inspection.  The various items we need for licensing are being brought down from the attic, cleaned and set up.  I need to purchase a crib mattress this week (as you must have proof of a bed for the child(ren) you are being licensed for).  Most all of my many totes of clothes in the attic are all girl, but I did save a few things from Luke.  I handed down most of his clothing to friends.  So there are maybe a couple things I want to get.  

I found out this weekend that I will have to replace the crib before we are licensed.  I bought our white crib in 2008 and it has drop sides and that is a big no-no now.  So we will are living on faith that God will provide the money for a new crib in the month of December. It is one piece of furniture that we must have in order to be licensed.  Honestly though...I'm not worried.  I know we will get the crib we need and I am excited to see how God might move to meet this new need.

UPDATE:  Mark and I have been cleared by FBI fingerprinting and background checks.  The last thing we have to do is our interviews and home inspection.  It has been mentioned that we will have our license by the end of the month!  So much work for one piece of paper!  

*Prayer for Bella if you have the chance.  Fever, cough, runny nose, bright pink cheeks and eye goop.  Sad, sad baby girl :(

Xbox 360

~"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing.  Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.  All we can do is learn to swim."~Vicki Harrison

This little boy, this delight to my heart, his JOY that overflows from within, inspires me daily.  Yes, he can frustrate me daily, but oh the triumph, the testimony of his little life!  How great is our God!!!  HE spared Luke's life as a tiny babe.  HE brought Luke to us forming a relationship with wonderful friends, bridging two families forever together!

Last week Luke asked Mark and I for an Xbox 360.  He had come up with this whole elaborate plan of selling our Wii for $500 dollars and buying an Xbox for $200 and keeping the other $300 dollars.  Mark and I laughed and smiled.  Our little entrepreneur.  When I questioned him about why, he simply stated he had played one before and he really likes the controller.  He tried to persuade me that the Xbox 360 would get played with so much more than the Wii and the Nintendo 64 (yes we still have one of those). How cute is that?  His mind is always thinking...ALWAYS!  

Bella and I found ourselves at the mall this afternoon.  I don't know if it was the Christmas decor, the busy hum of the mall, the smell of Starbucks coffee or what it was that triggered such strong emotions in me.  But I found myself in the middle of the upper level of the mall sobbing, wondering where my dad was?  10 years gone and I still find myself thinking I see him in a crowd of people.  My dad LOVED, LOVED Christmas and shopping and blessing others.  My heart grieves still now that he hasn't met Luke or Grace or Bella.  I feel like my kids have been cheated and it breaks my heart.  My dad would have been an amazing grandpa to them.  

So after I stopped blubbering into my sleeve in the middle of the mall, I went into Game Stop to ask the employees all about this Xbox 360.  To be honest, I had two employees actually laughing at one of my ridiculous questions.  Growing up, my dad loved new technology and we always had a computer and the latest gaming system and whatever new cell phone had come out.  Remember the brick cell phone? Yes we had one!  I can remember him waiting in line for hours to purchase the greatest new gaming system that came out.  We had a Nintendo the first year it was out as well as all the ones that followed.  I can't help but think if my dad was here, he would be out hunting for the best deal on an XBox 360 for his grandson who requested one.  My dad would have loved that...

So as an extension of my dad, I am trying to fill in that gap.  I called the "expert" today...a.k.a. Uncle D, my bro.  He has the love of new technology just like Dad.  He had some great advice.  So I am going to work on making a 10 year old boys' wish come true this Christmas because I know that my Dad would have.   

Christmas time is a difficult time for those that have lost loved ones.  Certain times of year, smells, weather, season of year, sounds can trigger memories and grief.  I know that during the holiday season I struggle a lot more with my grief surrounding my dad's death.  Grief really truly does come in waves and can often catch you off guard.  If you know of someone that has lost a loved one, an encouraging word can go a long way.  Just having someone acknowledge your grief/loss speaks so much to that person.  I always appreciate anyone that acknowledges the loss of my dad or has a kind word to say about him.  It is reassuring to me that he lives on in the hearts of those that cared about him.