Special Needs And Finances

I turned 40 last week.  How in the world can I be 40 already? I still feel 20!  They say age is just a number.  Yet, as a kid, someone who was 40 seemed so old and grown up.  So, here I am 40, and I have to say this was a really hard birthday for me.   I never struggled with turning any other age, but this one threw me for a loop.  I spent  a lot of time reflecting on where I thought I should be vs. where I actually am.  

I thought at 40 I would be a well established teacher with a Master's degree and married with children.  Well...I got the married with children thing correct.  But the career and degree have never come to be.  I have worked at various schools over the years, but have never felt a niche or a place I belonged.  Currently, with Mark's work scheduled, I can't hold any job outside of the home because he works and "on call schedule".  All that to say...I would love to work a part time job outside of the house to help contribute to our families financial situation, but it isn't possible.  

Things have been tight financially for the last four months.  The railroad has been slower, and Mark has worked fewer trips to Pasco and back.  Which results in a smaller paycheck.  The slower railroad schedule has come because of President's Trumps trade war and taxes on import/export items from overseas.  This is what originally caused Mark to lose his mentorship position at BNSF, and had to go back to working the road with BNSF.  It is hard for me to not be angry, and I have really struggled with anger lately. I get angry really easy when it effects my kids. And these changes....Mark being gone all the time with an unpredictable schedule effects my kids greatly.  It seems no matter how hard we try...we can't get ahead.  I understand it is life, and we go through tough seasons, but this has been an unusually tough season for us.  Extra medical bills, the van needing new tires, Mark needing new glasses, and all the therapy copays has really taken a toll.

Bella has been in therapy since March for anxiety, which has been a huge answer to prayers.  It has really helped her as well, and I have gained new insight and education on the role our brains play in anxiety and how to help calm her.  Matthew has had bi monthly occupational therapy and I have had every other week therapy...because let's face it...I need someone to help me too.  

Last Friday, after Matthew's annual reevaluation for occupational therapy, I found out that he will need weekly feeding therapy again.  Feeding therapy is not something the school district will provide because feeding doesn't impact his education.  So for the next three months or so, Matthew needs weekly feeding therapy in addition to his regular bi-monthly occupational therapy for sensory processing disorder.  It means an additional $160 a month in co-pays in addition to the $240 co pays we spend on Bella and I.  I am trying to not feel defeated, but it's tough as a mama.  Of course we are going to get him the therapy.  He needs it, and he will get it.  But, it means sacrificing something to come up with the extra.  

So...I am starting back to teaching VIPKID again.  I taught a couple of classes last week, and have a few more this week as I slowly build up my students and schedule again.  I wish I could say I am enthused for this journey again, but I am not.  I know the sacrifice and the way my body feels in the late afternoons solo parenting after working so early.  But, I am a mom, and life is fluid, and sometimes we have to do what we have to do for our babies.  I'm trying to put on a brave face and have a good attitude about getting up early.  Truth...I am still working on that.  I need to teach 40 classes a month to cover all of the therapy co-pays.  So that is my goal.

Mark and I spent last week deciding ways we are cutting back to help overall.  One of the biggest changes will happened in September when all my kiddos will be students of Battle Ground School District.  After six years of paying for private school, we no longer can afford the ever increasing tuition rates.  Luke is just about to complete his freshman year at River Homelink and it has been an AMAZING program.  So this fall, Grace and Bella will join him at River Homelink, and Matthew will be next door at the elementary school in the special education preschool.  He will attend several days a week while he receives specialized instruction in the areas of adaptive and social/emotional/beahvioral skills.  

Other ways we have been cutting costs are: I have been menu planning and calculating all purchases carefully at grocery stores.  We used to eat out a lot for dinner, but now it is very rarely.  The grill and I have become close friends.  Our cell phone bill decreased because we finished paying off our phones and neither of us are getting the newest model, and our house payment decrease a bit due to taxes (which was a blessing).  Come January Grace's braces will be paid off and we will have a nice long stretch till Bella needs them. Its little things but will help us overall as we move towards winter.  I am also looking into what I would need to do become a tutor at our home for students with dyslexia. Perhaps I could make some additional money tutoring in our home.  I also run an Etsy shop (Dahlhouse Design) selling jewelry items and keychains/purse charms.  Sometimes we have to be creative.        

I know tight finances and special needs families are a common thread.  Needing a parent to be home and present all the time, the medical bills, and therapy costs, is another factor that effects the finances of special needs families.  I know most of us would work if it was logistically possible, even to get out of the house for a few hours a day.  Living on one-income is tough.  It is possible but some seasons of life are more challenging than others.  My faith is being stretched and I am desperately trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The thing about seasons is that winter eventually becomes spring, but sometimes in the darkness of winter it is difficult to imagine the beauty of spring.  But we carry on bravely...because there is no other choice.  

Week # 5 & 6 @ The Dahlhouse: Schedule Changes, Rabbit Show & A Birthday Party

Weeks 5 & 6 are together for this update because my trusted, loved and well used PC decided to give me the "blue screen of death."  I have fiddled around with it for awhile; however, I have decided to let a good friend and computer genius have a go at it, and see if he can revive my good friend.  If not...{crying} I will be looking for a new PC. We've had our current one for 4 years, but I am not ready to part with it.  I love that computer.  But for the time being, I am currently attempting to make friends with my new laptop, which I have never really figured out.  Most of my pictures are all on the computer, so I have attempted to salvage a few from social media to make this update. 

Week 5 continued as normal.  It was mostly a quiet week.  Matthew had therapy, and continues to make progress on his speech.  He has begun to say a few phrases such as "play-it", "ready-set-doe", "bye-bye," "ba-ba," "puppies" (every animal is a puppies), "tank-u", "peeze," "nope", "daaaa-deee," "mommeee," waa-er," "beep-beeps," "bus," etc.  He has yet to really say a sentence or connect more than two words together.  Even the two words together is very far and few between.  I try not to worry too much and remind myself he is making progress.  I am still waiting for an occupational therapy evaluation.  His teacher therapist said that the waiting list is 4 months.  I've already been waiting 6 weeks.  I went this route because they told me it would be quicker.  Ha.  I have been thinking I am going to ask Matthew's pediatrician for a referral to Legacy for a "real" OT evaluation.  Like most things, you get what you pay for.  If I am going to pay for the therapy, I want it to be quality and I know it is at Legacy.

Yesterday our little Man Cub celebrated his 2nd birthday with a household of our family and very dear friends.  My heart was very full as I looked around the house at our friends and family.  What a blessing and support they are to me.  The theme for his bday was surprise..."Trucks".  I had fun decorating and coming up with ideas ( thank you Pinterest). 

Two weeks ago, Mark was asked to mentor in Longview/Kalama again.  We were shocked and overjoyed!! This position means a predictable schedule and set days off.  I can't explain how going from "no schedule" to a set schedule has changed my life.  It always does.  We had just completed 7 months of being essentially "on call" all the time to now having a schedule.  It's crazy.  The position is always temporary, mirroring the supply and demand of grain and other crops they need to ship through the port.  But I am believing for at least a few months of some peace and predictability.

Last weekend, two of the kiddos participated in a 4H rabbit show.  This was Luke's first time showing his rabbit as a senior.  This is the top class that Luke can compete in.  He was very nervous to say the least.  However, he did a fantastic job.  I had a very fun time hanging out and visiting with the other moms and taking a small break from the little 2 year old.  It was a great day.

Dahlhouse Life: Week #39 & #40

Week #39 found this little Man Cub and I at another developmental evaluation.  This time he was evaluated at a feeding clinic by a speech and language pathologist.  I really felt that Matthew would be fine, and the SLP would say he is making slow progress let's check him in six months to reevaluate his progress.  I was not prepared for the therapist to tell me that Matthew was going to need 12 weeks of feeding therapy, and then reevaluate if he needs more.  Matthew has very low oral motor muscle tone.  He doesn't move the food around in mouth the way he supposed to.  He often will use his hands to push food into his mouth instead of using his tongue.  I find all this information faciniating and frustrating all simultaneously.

It's been a very long road to get help for Matthew.  I was first alerted to the fact that Matthew might need help when he choked on a piece of food nearly a year ago. This event led me to begin to think about some of the milestones that he was not meeting. Lots of advocating, met with lots of waiting followed.  Nothing has been quick or efficient.  The sign that hangs in the pediatricians office reads, "Babies Can't Wait."  However...I have found that is all we get to do is "wait".  I have often wondered how many babies get lost in the paperwork and scheduling and waiting.  I am a college graduate/educator who understands how to advocate for kids and this is my experience.  Currently, we are waiting to be scheduled to begin feeding therapy. 

In the meantime, we have our first homework assignment from the feeding therapist.  We had to take Matthew off all sippy cups with spouts.  The cup in the above picture is a 360 degree Munchkin brand cup.  It is pretty amazing how it works.  He can drink from it the way you would normally drink from a cup, promoting his mouth muscles to work properly, but the flow of the liquid is controlled by the design of the cup.  The next thing we had to was take him off all baby food pouches.  This has been oh so tough. I must admit must tougher than I thought.  Pouches are the greatest invention and he loves them.  But...we have gone back to the baby food containers and a spoon.  This allows him to work his mouth muscles again instead of sucking the food into his mouth and swallowing like a straw.  The next step will be to get rid of the bottle.  But...I'm not taking that on right now.  And he really only has a bottle before nap and bed.  

I finally completed a project I had been working on. It was a long project (mainly because I am raising 4 kiddos LOL).  But it was very enjoyable and I love looking at our favorite attractions.  It makes me smile.

The end of September found me celebrating my mom's birthday at the Portland City Grill!  It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed having lunch with just her. 

Uncle D and Auntie Katie came to celebrate my mom's birthday!  It was so much fun.  Man Cub's face sums up how I felt about seeing them too!

Papa and Matthew!

We had a VERY fun adults dinner at the new Ilani casino and the restaurant Line and Lure.   We all even squeezed in our new van so we could all ride together!

It was one of the best dinners out I have ever had!  There was a lot of really yummy food, drinks, laughter and conversation.

TRUTH: I've never been in a casino before.  So it was so funny for everyone to watch me learn how to play the progressive slot machines.  Oh my gosh...I had the best time!

The rest of the weekend was filled with more fun times with Auntie and Uncle.  I always cry when they leave.  Always.

Week #40 was our week of pumpkins.  Bella is so proud of this pumpkin.  She planted the seeds in her kindergarten class in the spring and then planted them in our garden in the summer.  This is the pumpkin she grew!

Then she went through and picked the rest of the pumpkins that she grew.  Amazing this came from one three little pumpkin seeds!

We took the kiddos to the Vancouver Pumpkin  Patch!  This was a very good year for pumpkins!

He loved the baby cow.  In fact he learned how to say "Mooo" at the pumpkin patch!

His latest skill is sitting in baby doll strollers!

The view from the gorge after the fires.  We took a Sunday drive up to the Bonneville fish hatchery.  You could see a lot of damage; however, it was promising to still see a lot of green.

I closed week #40 out feeling very grateful for all the blessings in our life.  I am especially thankful for our home.  This is the view I see when I rock Matthew to sleep each night.  After nearly a decade of rocking babies starring at a fence, I am so blessed to watch the sun dip down behind the trees.