Life @ The Dahlhouse: I'm Having a Hysterectomy

Tomorrow, I will bravely walk into the hospital and check in to have a hysterectomy.  At only 39 years old, I am young to be having this procedure.  However, the pain and bleeding have made my life very difficult for the last several years.  I realize that the decision to have a hysterectomy is a long and serious one.  We have weighed the pros and cons, and both Mark and I feel this is the best decision for me and our family.  I wanted to share my story, my why, the process, and the recovery.  I think many times, hard decisions are difficult to share for many different reasons.  But I want to bring a voice, a story, and face of someone who went through the process of deciding, had the hysterectomy and recovered well.  I have benefited from learning about other's experiences with having a hysterectomy, and if one woman is encouraged or learns something from me and my experience, I am glad to share and to say "me too."  *If you are squeamish about reading about uteruses, bleeding, periods and medical terminology, then this post might not be for you.  Just a friendly warning.  :) 

I learned last November, after a series of tests and ultrasounds, that I have condition called, adenomyosis.  Basically it means I have endometriosis inside my uterus.  Fabulous.  Well...that explained a lot of things...the pain, bleeding, spotting, and more pain.  When I think back when I first noticed all of the symptoms, a year ago comes to mind.  However, after spending more time thinking, I realized that I began experiences changes to my cycles shortly after I had Bella.  As the years passed, after having Bella in 2010, my periods began to become increasingly heavier, and full of clots.  I worried, excessively if I was going to hemorrhage or need to go to the ER.  And just before I reached the point of actually going to the ER, they would lighten up and I would be good for another month.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I would worry for the next cycle...would it be bad?  Would I need help?  It has been a debilitating way to live.  

Just when I had accepted that we were going to be a family of 5, two pink lines appeared on a pregnancy test.  Matthew came into our lives and I can't imagine life without him.  12 months of no periods was amazing!  And then my periods returned.  And.it.was.awful!  For the first time in my life, I was planning what days I needed to stay home and close to a bathroom.  With a husband that travels for work, it was very difficult and scary at times to be home alone during "that time of the month."  I chalked my awful cycles up to "getting older," and tried my best to press on.  The pain at times was excruciating.

When Matthew was 7 months old, we took a family trip to Disneyland.  One of my very favorite places ever.  I ended up starting my period on the third day, and now most of my memories of the trip revolve around all of the bathrooms I used, and how much pain I was in.  I really feel like I need a do-over for that trip.  Thankfully, the Happiest Place On Earth has ALOT of bathrooms.  The picture above is me and Grace.  This was our third day into the trip.  I am trying to have a good time, but I remember thinking how awful I was feeling, and wanting to lay down.  

Last July, we took a family trip to Bend, Oregon.  During the trip I began having more symptoms of adenomyosis (only I didn't know I had that at the time).  The spotting during my cycle overshadowed the trip, and I was worried about what was wrong with me.  It was this trip that made me realize I was going to have to get to the bottom of what was going on.

In the fall, we took our kids to Great Wolf Lodge.  Only I couldn't get in the water, due to another horrible period.  I remember the pain was so great (even on meds) I wanted to come home.  I put on brave face for my kids.  I don't want to let things like this win.  I must have made 10 trips to the bathroom that night we were away from home.  I barely slept.  After this trip, I made an appointment to see my gynecologist in November.

Even as I type this now, my uterus is aching and cramping.  I am so thankful to Dr. Saner who listened to me, and what was going on, ordered tests and got to the bottom of it.  There is only one cure for adenomyosis and that is a hysterectomy.  There were other things I could have tried, other methods of attempting to lighten the periods and pain, but the truth is that the condition will not get better...it will only get worse with time.  Since we are finished having babies, a hysterectomy was agreed upon.  Since last November, I have been planning for a hysterectomy.  I will need a certain amount of help.  Honestly, the only thing that I am worried about is not being able to lift my baby for 6 very long weeks.  How do you explain that to you toddler?  I hope he still wants mommy when this is all done.  I've been working on training him and Grace.  She has began to put him in his car seat, change is diaper more often and help more with Matthew's day-to-day care.  It has been excruciating at times to relinquish these tasks, but I know I am doing it for the well being of my recovery.

Tomorrow, I will be having a laparoscopic robotic assisted hysterectomy.  I will keep my ovaries and everything else goes.  This will help maintain steady hormones throughout my body and not need to go through menopause at 39.  My emotions have been up and down these past couple of weeks.  There is a sense of relief that comes with knowing the pain and bleeding will be coming to end.  There is also a bitter sweetness of saying good-bye to my uterus.  My uterus and I haven't had the best relationship.  A rollercoaster relationship at best.  It has failed me three times, and it has borne my two sweet babies.  It has carried both life and death.  It has caused immense pain and also the greatest joys.  Tomorrow my uterus will no longer be apart of my life, and I will begin a new chapter without it.  And I have chosen to embrace this new chapter of my life and look forward to the new adventures ahead...