Weighted Blanket

Wednesday the much anticipated weighted blanket arrived in the mail!  I was thrilled because I thought it would at least be another week.  Luke and I were very excited to open it up and try it out.  I must say the blanket exceeded my expectations for quality.  It is a 12 pound, blue puppy dog paw print soft fleece.  The weights are distributed in small squares individually sewn around the entire blanket.  If interested in this product look up "The Magic Blanket." 

Luke immediately tried it out by wrapping himself in the blanket.  He sighed very deeply when put on his shoulders. 

(Luke sleeping soundly under his NEW weighted blanket)

He is loving the pressure the blanket provides him.  He put it to good use the first night he had it.  What surprises me, is even with how heavy it is, Luke wants more weight and more pressure on his body.  He still wants his other "heavy blanket" on top of the weighted blanket.  His poor little system has been so "out of sync" lately. 

However, I do believe I have pinpointed the catalyst for the "off" behavior.  It is Mark switching from working a predictable "yard job" schedule with BNSF, to a very unpredictable "road job" schedule.  Luke can barely handle it.  On Wednesday, when we talked to the therapist for the first time, he had tears running down his cheeks telling her how dad now goes back and forth to Pasco and "I don't even know where he is anymore."  "He says he is going to go to work or not go to work, and then he doesn't do what he says."  "I can't stand it!"  My poor baby!!!  That was the first time Luke has put it into words.  We are now trying to figure out what we can do to ease Luke's anxiety around this issue.  It is not easy, but I believe making this discovery will help us all. 

Honestly I am with Luke....Mark's work schedule is VERY difficult.  There is no rhyme or reason to it.  He comes and goes at all weird times of the day and night. They call and he goes!  The sacrifice HE is making is HUGE!  I can't imagine. 

I honestly have been struggling with guilt.  If I had just kept my job with the Vancouver School District working part-time this would not be an issue.  Our schedules would be predictable, I only worked until 11:30am, I had vacations and summers off, money would be predictable, Luke would be calmer, ugh what was I thinking? Truth is I blame myself for Luke's latest issues.  This is still so incredibly difficult for me.  I struggle with feelings of failure.  I tell myself, "Breathe in and out and walk one step in front of another"....Ugh...I think I need a "weighted blanket."