Struggling

Can I be honest??? Last week was a difficult week for me. It was the 4th anniversary of the loss of our third child. The pain is still there. I don't think ever goes away but becomes a part of who you are. It seems that everyone is pregnant around me...that is difficult because it magnifies my infertility. You would think that after seven years I would be able to come to terms with my barrenness, but I have not. I can look back and see God's hand and plan in bringing two of the most wonderful babies into my life. But now, in the thick of things, I cannot see anything. I have been to the specialist, and taken all the tests and have tried the medications, suggestions...I have exercised, ate different foods, given up pop, tried to relax and have even taken the fertility drugs...but nothing...I did not respond. The next step in the medical world would be higher more powerful fertility drugs, ultrasounds and things like IUI and IVF, injectables and a lot of money. Things I don't feel called to.

In the world of state adoption, where we adopted Luke and Grace, is different now. There have been many changes in procedures and goals for the children. There are less kids in care and no need for adoptive homes. We have been on the wait list nearly 10 months with no leads, no calls, no placements, nada, zip, nothing. We have also contemplated foster care, but the Lord has been specific in telling us that right now it is not the time. It is a dangerous world right now.

We are currently praying about other avenues of adoption. Private and international. Both are journeys that we have not taken, but are willing to follow God if he calls us. The main stumbling block for these types of adoptions is money. They are expensive. An international adoption is around 22,000 and a private domestic adoption going through an agency is 35,000 to 50,000 dollars. Crazy...I know. Please pray with us as we seek God's will and plan. We know that each decision has risks and complications. Both Mark and I believe that their is another baby for us. We are believing for a miracle.