Luke, Grace & Associates

I saw another mom post this as her title of her blog. She claimed she had a new employer (her children and spouse). I thought it was a cute idea, so I borrowed it for my title on a post about motherhood.

I have been mulling this post around in my head for the last week. I was talking with a friend awhile back and they said something to me that has had the most profound effect. She said that another mother had told her recently that she was tired being a mom, that she had tried making her kids her first priority for awhile and it didn't work for her. She thought she could do it, but it wasn't meant for her. It took awhile for the shock of this to wear off. I had so many things I could have said, but no words came.

Being a mother for me is the very essence of who I am. My kids come first. If it means I go without, so be it! But it is beyond monetary things as well. They are on the forefront of my thoughts. When I lay down to sleep they are in my thoughts. When I awake they are in my thoughts. When I am working, my day revolves around the clock and the thoughts of what they are doing. Working as literally killed me this last six months being a part from them. I know I am bettering them, but they are me. I desire no where else to be than with them. They get my best, they deserve my best. There is something about infertility and losing children that opens up a whole other side to motherhood. Years went by and I dreamed and dreamed of things to do with my child(ren) should the Lord bless me with them. I collected things, I imagined things, I made plans of what my favorite baby things were. So, when I finally became a mother it provided me a chance to fulfill those things that I dreamed about, that I desired to be true. Another aspect of my mothering comes from the neglect and abuse that my kids have gone through. I know with full knowledge the life they would have led had they not been with us. I know their biological parents, I know and have seen things that I cannot and will not describe. I have been places that I didn't know existed and situations that I had no clue about. My children deserve the best, and for someone to advocate and speak and fight for them (me). They deserve the best doctors, therapists, teachers & friends that I can give them. And I will.

I wish that mother could walk a moment in my shoes. And to have felt some of the things I have felt. To have endured as I have and still do at times. Perhaps she would feel differently about her position on being a mother and realize that wonderful gift that she has been given through her children, through her ability to a mother. For if I was not a mother, what would I be. Sure I could sleep late, and not have any messes to clean up. My time would be decided by me and my house would be quiet. But I have lived it. I have been pregnant three different times with the promise of a child, and messes and sleepless nights and have relished the change only to have it stolen away. I have then gone back to my quiet home and no messes. GIVE ME the noise and the toys that I step on and all the Disney movies I can handle. Give me little jars of baby food, spit-up and soft plush toys. Give me bottles that have to run through the dishwasher and take up most of the upper rack. Give me fruit snacks and sippy cups to my hearts content. And bibs and onesies and strollers (we know how I have a weakness for them) and car seats oh my! Nerf guns and princess shoes and babies and trains and kitchens and games. Oh how I love being a mom. My life is forever enriched, I am whole to be a mom. I would have missed so much. Yes, I never have birthed a child or labored in a hospital, but I labored for years in my home, in private moments, in my secret places for a child of my own. I labored in prayer to God, and in faith that He would keep his promise. I have been blessed doubly over with Luke and Grace and 13 times over with babies that needed me for a moment.

So, if I could say just one thing to this mom it would be something that was said to me recently "it's almost over". Life passes so quickly and things constantly change. Embrace your children today, love your children today, make them your top priority today, love their imperfections today, thank God for the blessing they are to you today, don't let today pass you by. You will never get it back and our lives are but a mist because it is truly "almost over".