Back To School: Dahlhouse Style 2019-2020

 

This past Thursday the little Dahl’s started back to school.  Little Man Cub will begin school on Tuesday, September the 3rd.  I have calculated that on Thursday the 5th,  I will have a three hour break without any kiddos.  That hasn’t happened...well....ever that they have all been in school at one time.  I am not even sure what I will do with myself, but I am certain I will think of something.

Luke started 10th grade at River Homelink, Grace will be completing her 8th grade year at Cornerstone Christian Academy.  Bella is in 3rd grade at River Homelink, and Man Cub in preschool at Maple Grove elementary.

I am happy to report that everyone had a great first day; although I am a little nervous about Matthew’s first day of preschool.  I’m unsure of which of us will be doing the most crying. I keep telling myself that he will adjust and so will I.  Such a big step for this little guy (and me).  My last little bird to venture to preschool.  Time flies my friends.  I am very happy that he will get extra help in the areas where he is delayed.  This brings me peace.  I can help Matthew in a lot of ways, but creating a classroom with other children and other adults is something that I cannot do.

Bella did really well on her first day.  She hasn’t been in a classroom since February.  Due to her struggles with anxiety, we completed her 2nd grade year at home and focused on getting her professional help from a trained therapist.  She made a lot of progress and was ready to take on her new school (which is an alternative learning experience). Half the week is spent at school and half the week is spent at home.  It is a good stepping stone to having her return to the classroom full time in a year or so.

Grace was happy to return her friends and school at Cornerstone.  After much prayer and talking, Mark and I felt like this was the best thing for Grace.  She will get to finish her middle school experience with her group of friends at Cornerstone and graduate in June.  I can't really explain it only that it felt like the right thing.

Luke is at River Homelink this year as a Sophomore.  This school offers such a great program that is perfect for him.  He gets IEP help and tutoring on Wednesdays and has a great schedule with teachers he loves.  It is shaping up to be a great school year.

Life @ The Dahlhouse: Hysterectomy 1 Year Later

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my hysterectomy.  I can hardly believe that a year has gone by.  As I reflect on this past year, I am amazed at how quickly life has continued going by.  And I am excited to report how full and wonderful this last year has been too! 

Physically, I am doing so much better!!!  You can read my first post about deciding to have the hysterectomy HERE.  The pain, bloating have been very minimal and not having periods has been life changing.  I have been able to lose 17 pounds this past year. Even though I wish it were more, I will continue my quest for health.  I was worried weight loss would be difficult after the hysterectomy but I was able to lose weight for the first time in many years.  

One unexpected result of having the hysterectomy is that my overall anxiety has decreased.  Looking back, I realize how much I would worry about Mark being gone when I was having my horrible, heavy periods.  Several times I thought I would have to go to the ER for heavy bleeding.  As soon as one period was over, I would begin worrying about the next one.  It was an awful cycle that happened month after month.  Then there was the overall worrying about what was wrong with my body.  Having the hysterectomy eliminated some really big worries from my life and decreased my overall anxiety.  

I have really felt that I was able to LIVE this past year.  I rode waterslides with my kids at Great Wolf Lodge, I took an anniversary trip to Maui with Mark, I hiked by waterfalls, went to concerts, kept up with my kids, volunteered in the kids' schools, went on a long car trip to California and all of those things without the worry of horrible cycles.  What a gift I feel I have been given.

One struggle has been emotionally realizing the finality of the decision.  Not that we would have had more children (my home and heart are full).  But, realizing that my uterus is gone makes everything really final.  My relationship with my uterus has been a rocky one.  It gave me two precious babes, but knew the reality of miscarriage times three.  It caused such pain physically and emotionally but gave me such great joy.  These are things that I have thought of a handful of times.  But, I realize that I am a better mom and wife and woman because I chose to have a hysterectomy.  

I am grateful to an amazing doctor who listened to me and valued me and my symptoms.  I am so glad she did not dismiss my symptoms or take a "lets wait and see approach."  Dr. Saner thank you for delivering our Matthew, and then thank you for helping me find "me" again.  I am forever grateful for your gifts of not only being a great doctor, but for being a great doctor that listens, looks me in the eye and truly cares.  A year later...I am not less....I am more, so much more.  

Special Needs And Finances

I turned 40 last week.  How in the world can I be 40 already? I still feel 20!  They say age is just a number.  Yet, as a kid, someone who was 40 seemed so old and grown up.  So, here I am 40, and I have to say this was a really hard birthday for me.   I never struggled with turning any other age, but this one threw me for a loop.  I spent  a lot of time reflecting on where I thought I should be vs. where I actually am.  

I thought at 40 I would be a well established teacher with a Master's degree and married with children.  Well...I got the married with children thing correct.  But the career and degree have never come to be.  I have worked at various schools over the years, but have never felt a niche or a place I belonged.  Currently, with Mark's work scheduled, I can't hold any job outside of the home because he works and "on call schedule".  All that to say...I would love to work a part time job outside of the house to help contribute to our families financial situation, but it isn't possible.  

Things have been tight financially for the last four months.  The railroad has been slower, and Mark has worked fewer trips to Pasco and back.  Which results in a smaller paycheck.  The slower railroad schedule has come because of President's Trumps trade war and taxes on import/export items from overseas.  This is what originally caused Mark to lose his mentorship position at BNSF, and had to go back to working the road with BNSF.  It is hard for me to not be angry, and I have really struggled with anger lately. I get angry really easy when it effects my kids. And these changes....Mark being gone all the time with an unpredictable schedule effects my kids greatly.  It seems no matter how hard we try...we can't get ahead.  I understand it is life, and we go through tough seasons, but this has been an unusually tough season for us.  Extra medical bills, the van needing new tires, Mark needing new glasses, and all the therapy copays has really taken a toll.

Bella has been in therapy since March for anxiety, which has been a huge answer to prayers.  It has really helped her as well, and I have gained new insight and education on the role our brains play in anxiety and how to help calm her.  Matthew has had bi monthly occupational therapy and I have had every other week therapy...because let's face it...I need someone to help me too.  

Last Friday, after Matthew's annual reevaluation for occupational therapy, I found out that he will need weekly feeding therapy again.  Feeding therapy is not something the school district will provide because feeding doesn't impact his education.  So for the next three months or so, Matthew needs weekly feeding therapy in addition to his regular bi-monthly occupational therapy for sensory processing disorder.  It means an additional $160 a month in co-pays in addition to the $240 co pays we spend on Bella and I.  I am trying to not feel defeated, but it's tough as a mama.  Of course we are going to get him the therapy.  He needs it, and he will get it.  But, it means sacrificing something to come up with the extra.  

So...I am starting back to teaching VIPKID again.  I taught a couple of classes last week, and have a few more this week as I slowly build up my students and schedule again.  I wish I could say I am enthused for this journey again, but I am not.  I know the sacrifice and the way my body feels in the late afternoons solo parenting after working so early.  But, I am a mom, and life is fluid, and sometimes we have to do what we have to do for our babies.  I'm trying to put on a brave face and have a good attitude about getting up early.  Truth...I am still working on that.  I need to teach 40 classes a month to cover all of the therapy co-pays.  So that is my goal.

Mark and I spent last week deciding ways we are cutting back to help overall.  One of the biggest changes will happened in September when all my kiddos will be students of Battle Ground School District.  After six years of paying for private school, we no longer can afford the ever increasing tuition rates.  Luke is just about to complete his freshman year at River Homelink and it has been an AMAZING program.  So this fall, Grace and Bella will join him at River Homelink, and Matthew will be next door at the elementary school in the special education preschool.  He will attend several days a week while he receives specialized instruction in the areas of adaptive and social/emotional/beahvioral skills.  

Other ways we have been cutting costs are: I have been menu planning and calculating all purchases carefully at grocery stores.  We used to eat out a lot for dinner, but now it is very rarely.  The grill and I have become close friends.  Our cell phone bill decreased because we finished paying off our phones and neither of us are getting the newest model, and our house payment decrease a bit due to taxes (which was a blessing).  Come January Grace's braces will be paid off and we will have a nice long stretch till Bella needs them. Its little things but will help us overall as we move towards winter.  I am also looking into what I would need to do become a tutor at our home for students with dyslexia. Perhaps I could make some additional money tutoring in our home.  I also run an Etsy shop (Dahlhouse Design) selling jewelry items and keychains/purse charms.  Sometimes we have to be creative.        

I know tight finances and special needs families are a common thread.  Needing a parent to be home and present all the time, the medical bills, and therapy costs, is another factor that effects the finances of special needs families.  I know most of us would work if it was logistically possible, even to get out of the house for a few hours a day.  Living on one-income is tough.  It is possible but some seasons of life are more challenging than others.  My faith is being stretched and I am desperately trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The thing about seasons is that winter eventually becomes spring, but sometimes in the darkness of winter it is difficult to imagine the beauty of spring.  But we carry on bravely...because there is no other choice.  

The Connection Between Technology and Anxiety

Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to attend a class on Childhood Anxiety.  It easily could have been a two day course.  There was so much great information presented.  More information than I can share in just one blog post.  So, I wanted to begin by sharing one of the most POWERFUL pieces of information I learned in the class.  "Technology/screens and anxiety".  You guys....I had NO idea of this connection.  I hadn't even thought about it before in terms of childhood anxiety (in terms of learning/focus...yes).  This information was very life changing for me.

When we talk about childhood anxiety, we can't really begin without first having a grasp on how a child's brain develops.  A child's brain is going to develop from the bottom up.  The primitive brain develops first (sensory/motor/movement/breathing).

The Limbic brain develops second (emotional brain).  It usually takes a child until they are 7 to 9 years of age for this limbic brain to fully develop.  *This was enlightening to me because how many times have I been guilty of trying to get my two or three year old to "stop crying" or "talk them out of it".  Wow... their brains have not even fully developed being able to control their emotions.

The final stage of brain development is the Critical brain, or the prefrontal cortex (thinking, learning, logical, executive functioning, emotional regulation, common sense).  You guys...this part of your brain isn't fully developed until you are 25 to 30 years of age!!!  Most children are functioning out of their lower brains.  Food for thought.

Technology & Anxiety:

Most of our children/teens are spending WAY too much time on screens.  Screens can be on the chrome books at school, iPad, computers, video games, smartphones etc.  The research has said that on average (an average of a seven day week), a child is spending 7.5 hours of screen time a day.  And teens are spending on average of 11-13 hours a day in front of a screen!  These numbers are shocking to me!!!  That means by the time you are 70 you will have watched 7-10 years of TV.  

Anxiety and depression have been linked to technology overuse.   When you spend too much time on screens, the sympathetic nervous system is activated (fight, flight, freeze).  Continued activation will cause the release of adrenaline.  Then the child's body is flooded with dopamine.  This can leave the child in an irritated but exhausted state.

  

Here is some food for thought about anxiety:

• Tech/screens cause a hypervigilant sensory system
• The sensory imbalance creates huge problems in overall neurological development, as the brain's anatomy, chemistry and pathways become permanently altered and impaired.  
• This can cause a weakened immune system.
• We have kids attaching to technology vs. people.  Tech is replacing relationships with peers and parents.
• Tech/screens is AS addictive as cocaine and nicotine; activating the same addictive pathways in the brain.
• Children under 2 should have NO television.  
• Children 2-6 should have no more than 1 hour of screens per day.
• Children 6-13 2 hours of screens.
• Children 14+ no more than 3 hours per day.

 Here are some things you can do to help:

• Keep Tech off 2 hours prior to your kiddos going to bed.  The blue light interferes with their natural melatonin production.
• Kids were meant to play and be creative (tech/screens limits the creativity).
• Playing OUTSIDE is so important!


• Play activates the entire brain
• Play improves memory
• Play increases language development
• Play is the primary way children learn under 10 years
• Play wires the brain for empathy, problem solving and social skills
• Combats stress!  Lessens anxiety

Kids need 2 to 3 hours of play each day!  Take a look at the scans of the brains below.  One shows a child not playing and the right side shows a child's brain while playing.  The more a child moves, touches, plays the bigger the brain will be.  

If you have the chance click the link Free The Kids

It was one of the most powerful videos I saw during my Saturday class. 

As a parent of a child(ren) with anxiety, I need to make playing outside a priority and start putting the iPad up on the fridge for days at a time (which is what has been happening around here).  

Glow Kids is a book that I ordered off Amazon and I can't wait to read it.  It was recommended at the class I took last Saturday.  

All this is NOT to say that tech is bad and screens are bad.  Used wisely it is a great tool!  However, I am guilty of this, using tech too much has many negative effects on our kids and increased the anxiety that they can have.  More play...less screens leads to a healthier life and happier more relaxed kids.

*Information shared was taken from my notes on the class attended Saturday.  If you ever had a chance to attend a class offered by The Institute of Child Psychology, I strongly recommend them!

Bronchiolitis is Terrifying

I thought he was having allergies, but over the course of several days we landed ourselves in the emergency room at Legacy Salmon Creek.  Man Cub had been sneezing, and coughing and his nose was running.  The Monday after Easter, he had been acting weird that evening.  His cough sounded labored and funny.  I could of sworn I heard him wheezing.  I bathed him and put him to bed upstairs.  He was out. 

An hour later, I went back to check on him.  He was moaning and crying in his sleep.  I touched his forehead and he was on fire. I stripped his PJs off, and watched him breathe.  A minute felt like an hour watching his little skin stretch around his rib cage.  I knew what I was looking at: retraction.  He was laboring to breathe.   

Years ago, the doctors had taught me what to look for with Bella.  She is my one that has the breathing issues and the "special lungs" as she calls them.  After helping her with all of her breathing issues, it takes a lot to freak me out...and let me tell you friends...Matthew had me freaked out!!!

As calmly as I could, I told Grace I was taking Matthew to the ER.  I tried loading everything up, and carrying him, and trying to get my shoes on.  Then his car seat was in the 3rd row of the van, making it difficult to watch him breathe.  I felt like swearing in the frustration.  We made to the ER, only to be handed a clipboard and asked to fill out the paperwork.  Seriously you guys... I had not a free hand, but hey, sure...bring on the clipboard.  

They called us back fairly quickly, as they have a pediatric ER.  In my mind I was battling several things.  One, I have a special needs toddler who WILL NOT orally take ANY medication.  Two, I hate hospitals and I was battling my own anxiety.  And three, there was no Mark coming to help.  He had just gotten on the train to Pasco a few hours earlier.  I had the emergency numbers to the dispatcher that could arrange for him to get off the train, but I swore I would only use that number if they admitted Matthew to the hospital.  

The doctor was quick to see us, and order a bunch of tests, and a Tylenol suppository to help bring down Matthew's fever.  You guys...he gags if he sees a medicine syringe coming at him.  They tested him for the flu and RSV with a long q-tip.  He hated that too.  The respiratory therapist came down and administered a breathing treatment, which perked him up almost instantly.  Finally, the radiologist came to our room and gave Matthew a chest x-ray.   

The diagnosis came as bronchiolitis.  Say what??? My fourth kid and I have never heard of that. It is not bronchitis.  This was a viral illness that effects the bronchial tubes causing them to swell and making breathing difficult.  Awesome.  The chest x-ray showed the bronchiolitis.  The doctor said they sometimes hospitalize children for this, but Matthew's case was more mild.  The doctor wanted to give him oral steroids, but I again reminded them that he will throw them up.  So poor baby had to get a steroid shot. Because he responded well to the breathing treatment, they sent him home with an inhaler to take for the next couple of weeks.    

Matthew has been recovering well.  He had a good follow up last Thursday.  He continues to cough and his nose...oh my...I am still wiping it so.many.times.  But we have weathered this storm.  

I am hopeful this was a one time thing, and not something we will be battling every time he gets a cold.  Even in emergencies, I found myself advocating for my special needs child.  Sensory processing disorder is no joke.  Oh how I wished he would just swallow the meds.  I would have saved him from pain of needles.  But then there is part of me that is thankful they can administer meds to him in a shot form because at least I know that he is getting the correct dosage.  I am happy to report after a few times of crying throw taking his "haler" (inhaler), he will not allow me to give it to him with no crying.  Bella, again, is an amazing teacher for him.  She pretended to take hers, and Matthew, wanting to be just like his big sis, took his inhaler happily.  Miss B to the rescue again!  

Miss B

Don't let her stunning blue eyes and long blonde hair fool you that she is mild mannered.  This child...I heart her so much.  The things that she says!!!  She seriously has an amazing since of humor.

Last week, I asked her to go get the mail.  She obliged my request, came back inside and handed me the pile of mail only to declare, "There is nothing but a buttload of bills."  I laughed so hard.  Seriously...I am quite certain that she got that expression from her father.  Ha!  Keeping it real over at The Dahlhouse.  Happy Tuesday!

Life @ The Dahlhouse: Week 12

Week 12 began celebrating this little unicorn's 9th birthday!  Seriously...when did she turn 9!!!

Unicorns are her jive and I was more than happy to oblige her theme and personality.  Just give her all the unicorns and rainbows.

We had a small family party at our home to recognize all three of the March birthday club, along with the grandparents.

Everyone needed some candles to blow out...even Man Cub (who since has asked to do "happy to you" each time we have had dessert.

Bella's birthday was Barbie Palooza and literally every time I turn around....bam...another Barbie!  But I admit...I kind of really like it. I was a Barbie girl growing up and I enjoy all the tiny food, animals and dishes as much as B.

Man Cub keeps me on my toes...he is full of imagination and a strong will.  Haha

On Thursday of week 12, we went to see Luke give his presentation book comparison in his English class.  I was really proud of how he is able to speak in front of his peers.

I also got a much needed haircut in week 12.  Keeping up with 4 kiddos leaves little time to manage my hair and I found all I was doing was putting it up all the time.  So I had Christina cut it short.  It was like a weight was lifted and I am enjoying the lightness it brings.

Mark and Matthew took down his baby crib.  Matthew was my only baby that never tried to climb out of the crib.  Although, he did manage to climb into the crib and then  scream in protest for someone to come and rescue him.  It is bittersweet for me.  The last baby...the last crib...such happiness for new stages and such sadness for it passing too quickly.

The end of week 12 saw me beginning Man Cub's special education evaluation with the Battle Ground School District.  He had a screening a couple weeks ago and the multi-disciplinary team saw the same concerns in adaptive, communication and social-emotional areas.  So we have dove into the deep end and will hopefully have their decision soon.  In the meantime, we walk forward in hope.