Experiencing the Food of Hawaii!!!

When I sat down to write this post on all the different food experiences we had in Hawaii, I laughed when I realized how many food pictures I took :) Normally, I don't take food pictures but mom and I had a little too much fun.  We had quite a variety of food during our short stay.  Here are a few pictures to share.

This was at the Honolulu Coffee Company right after we arrived at our hotel in Oahu.  We stayed at the Waikiki on the Beach Marriott Resort and Spa.  Their iced tea is my all time FAVORITE!

We were feeling a little crazy since it was 7pm Hawaii time and 10pm our time.  Our first dinner was at Cheeseburger in Paradise.

 

The next day we headed over to the Hilton Hawaiian Village and I surprised mom with a night's stay at that resort.  We even got upgraded to the Rainbow Tower overlooking the saltwater lagoon.  We had lunch at the Tropics Bar and Grill which is the restaurant that is famous for hosting various Hawaii 5-0 episodes. 

My mom introduced me to this amazing capresse salad!  Ummm...yummy doesn't even begin to describe this tasty treat.  Pesto, cherry tomatoes, fresh mozzarella and basil to top.  I could have just eaten the salad.

This was my lunch at the Tropics Bar and Grill.  It was a pulled pork sandwich with homemade potato chips.

That night for dinner we ventured to eat Japanese at Benihana.  It was an amazing dinner and mom and I were the only ones at a table for 8!  The chef was hysterical and also really great at making my heart skip a beat with his "tricks".  They came around to our table to take pictures and I couldn't resist buying this one to remember the fun night out we had.



The next morning for breakfast we headed back to the Tropics to eat.  Mom had her favorite mac nut pancakes.  I had bacon and eggs.

 

We took a cab back to our original hotel and promptly busied ourselves by laying out by the pool for hours.  We finally decided it was time for lunch and walked 50 feet to the poolside restaurant.  We had fish tacos which were incredible. 

Fruity drinks poolside were a must.  This was called a lava flow :)

 

We had dinner that night a little adorable outside Italian restaurant.  We watched people walk by on the streets.  The service and the food was amazing.  We started with another capresse salad and then I had a pizza and mom had this amazing mushroom pasta dish.  We finished in time to watch the sunset on Waikiki beach.

The next morning I got up early and took a walk along the beach and ended up at the Honolulu Coffee Company and ordered myself a Nutty Hawaiian Latte.  They always make fun shapes in the coffee.  This one was a heart.  In Maui they are pretty good at making a palm leaf shape too.

On Thursday we took a drive up to the North Shore.  We stopped at the dueling shrimp trucks.  They have all these shrimp beds lining the roads up towards the north shore.  I had never eaten at a shrimp truck before but this was AMAZING! 

We stopped at the Turtle Bay Resort for lunch.  Seriously....look at the tables right on the sand in the beach!  This stuff really does exist!  It was an amazing view and reminiscing about all the times we had stayed at that resort in the past.

I got my Hawaiian shaved ice!  Enough said!

Our Aloha dinner was at Duke's.  So many great memories at Duke's.  Mark LOVES Duke's and it was one of my Dad's favorite places.  It felt good being back. 

Before heading to the airport, we had macadamia nut pancakes one more time...oh ya and some bacon.  I heart bacon. :)

Even at the airport, waiting to go home, we continued to be impressed with the food!  Chicken skewers anyone????

I can't believe how fast the week flew by and how much food we ate! It was so fun to eat all this food and not have to cut anything up, clean anyone up or leave my food to take care of someone.  I love my babies but after nearly 4 years of not having a break for myself....I enjoyed EVERY minute.  I was so happy to hug their little bodies when I got back.  We hit the ground running with baseball and bowling.  This trip was truly a blessing.  Here's to 6 more months and then a family vacation to Maui!  Mahalo!

  

One More Thing...

I am still trying to decide why I scheduled an unearthly amount of appointments all in the same week.  Was I out of my mind???? Regardless it has been the week of appointments and the week is only half over.  All three wee ones needed well child checks.  Throw in a couple of therapies, baseball, the dentist (for me) and an IEP meeting for good measure and you have my week in a nut shell.  Ok...breathe :)

The good news is the sun is shining. It leaves my soul feeling refreshed and my outlook happy, regardless of how some of the appointments for my wee ones have gone. 

Can I just be real honest for a minute??? Confession...I'm sick of taking my wee ones to all these doctors (primary cares, specialists, dentists etc.).  I'm tired of "hearing the latest gadget" and being "sold" on the newest intervention and being told twenty more things I NEED to do and a hundred more doctors I need to take them to (ok I am exaggerating).  So-in-so has a huge cavity, you let her use the binky too long, she's not potty trained yet? etc., etc., etc.,  I'm done hearing one doctor say one thing, only to be told by another that information is incorrect and then given new information.  It leaves this mommy's head spinning and a heaviness in the pit of my stomach knowing that I am going to go against one or the other doctor.  I am tired of justifying my decisions.   Ok...rant over. 

It doesn't mean I don't believe in doctors/dentist and medication and the such. Quite the opposite, but I have reached a point I am tired.  I am tired of thinking I am fighting the right race only to be told I started the wrong one.  I sit here questioning and wondering if the doctor is right.  Today I decided that I am going to trust my gut my more and worry less about what a doctor/dentist thinks or decides.  After today's appointment with Grace, I need to take her to see another doctor (because the one I already did the doctor doesn't know), it's a 6 to 8 month wait list for that doctor, get a weighted blanket for her, special shirts, have a sleep apnea test, and try a new iLs pillow to then purchase.  I sit there saying great...where is this money going to come from.  I stay at home and there is no extra money.  I felt that being here was the MOST important thing.  Now I am told I need these THINGS that cost extra money to help my child.  Really??? It's not a winning situation. 

When they found out that we pulled Grace out of school....it was like a deer in head lights look.  Seriously...walk a mile in my shoes and then tell me your opinion.  I put up my wall at that point.  Don't mess with mama bear.  Sometimes I wonder if I fight to hard.  Is there such thing?  I'd love Grace to return to school, but she is NOT ready.  I would love to put her in a small private Christian school, but no extra money.  A scholarship might be available...maybe.  But 5,000 dollars is A LOT to come up with a school year. 

The thing that is most difficult for me is to think that I have everything figured out and then something/someone comes along and tells me I don't.  It bursts my bubble of confidence and leaves me deflated.  I hate that.  I am tired of that.  I don't want feel this way anymore.  These are my children....I am educated...I am qualified....I am THEIR mom.  I do know what is best for them.  They have lives to lead and God has BIG plans for each of the wee ones lives.  It is my job to help them find their path.  Sometimes I just don't think it is continuously in a medical providers office...I truly believe that each one will find who they are supposed to be. 

"...plans to give you a hope and a future."~Jeremiah 29:11

Fear

~The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy~John 10:10a

That is exactly what happened at 8:57am on Friday, April 5.  In an effort to make up for some missed appointments, I scheduled a dermatology appointment for April 5.  Being a red head and having many moles covering my entire body, it is important for me to have a yearly skin exam by a dermatologist (not just a primary care physician).  I have been doing this since I was 17 years old. 

I don't know exactly what I was thinking the morning of the appointment except I was glad to cross it off my list of never ending appointments.  With as many moles as I have it should not have came as a surprise during the exam when the doctor found a "suspicious" looking mole that he wanted to remove.  What the dermatologist didn't like was the center of the mole was raised like a blood blister and he told me that was a warning sign of melanoma (skin cancer).  That news was followed shortly by the announcement that he was removing a second mole off the same arm.  It was two moles growing together as one mole.  It resembled a fish.  They have a thing against fishy looking moles.  So.off.it.came. 

The procedure took only a few minutes to remove both.  They numb the site of moles and the doctor shaves if off.  The two samples of skin tissue was deposited into separate little glass jars filled with some sort of clear liquid.  Then the medical assistant plastered a big white labeled sticker that announced it was being tested for MELANOMA.  They said they would contact me in two weeks with the results.  And they made it very clear NOT to call the office until the two weeks had passed.  Left alone to dress, the FEAR crept upon me and took over.  The only two words I could think of was "skin cancer". 

I wish I could say that I came home and didn't think of it again.  That I had great faith I would be ok and I didn't worry one bit.  Instead, I became this pool of tears, anxiety and fear.  I felt like I was going through the motions of life without really living it.  Mark had to put me back together, my mom had to put me back together, my sister had to put me back together.  In all honesty...I.WAS.A.MESS!  I jumped every time the phone rang, anticipating it would be "the news".  I googled everything about melanoma (which by the way was a REALLY bad idea).  I would look at my children and sob, because I didn't want to leave them without a mother.  Yes, my crazy mind went there. 

A week after my appointment, I was sure the letter would be in my mailbox.  But on that Friday, one week later... it didn't come.  On Saturday I was for SURE it would be in the mailbox because I wanted an answer to this before I left with my mom to Hawaii.  But...it.didn't.come.  And I was ANGRY.  It is difficult for anyone to go through the waiting to find out if you have cancer.  It is even more difficult for someone with an anxiety disorder to wait.  But, off to Hawaii I went with my mom, determined to not worry about the results no matter what they be.  I was going to enjoy myself, and Mark and I had a system of how he would report the news when it came.

Monday came and went...no news.  Tuesday evening my mom and I were walking back to the Hilton Hawaiian Village, and Mark called me.  He had checked the mail that day and there was the letter.  A thin envelope that would contain to the answers to my nearly two week wait.

He opened the letter for me and reported the news....

BENIGN nevus (or another word for moles)!!!  This was the best news!  My mom and I celebrated on the streets of Waikiki and I am sure no one looked at us funny at all. :)

FEAR gripped my heart and because of that I lost a week of my life living in fear that the phone would ring that death would be on the other side of the phone.  It is not death I am afraid of, but leaving my kids without a mother is the fear that I struggle with, and spent many hours in counseling discussing. 

~but I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly~John 10:10b

Working on choosing to live life even in difficult circumstances.

~Carissa

 

  

Home...

"Home is the nicest word there is."~Laura Ingalls Wilder

I am officially HOME...Thursday came and went and I was quietly ushered into the world of stay at home mom.  It doesn't quite feel real to me yet.  Even as Monday approaches, it is spring break so I don't think it will really set in until the following Monday when I don't go back. 





I can tell it is going to take a bit of retraining my brain.  I am still dreaming about my job in my sleep, and I find myself thinking about the job quite a bit more than I thought I would.  I am still trying to process everything I have been through in the last nine months.  Then I remind myself that my job "isn't my worry anymore." 

My families really blessed my departure and I was humbled at the notes, cards and gifts that were given to remind me how much I did touch the lives of those little 9 people.  The kindest thing that was given to me was simply someones words...she said "and as a mother....thank you for knowing when to put your own children first."  I will never forget those words as long as I live.  They touched my soul.

The new teacher is ready to roll...she completely overhauled the classroom and was raring to go as I was trying to vacate my desk and move my remaining things out :)  The torch was handed off and I drove away down the freeway one more time. 

Peace...rest...balance...that is my job now for my life and my children's lives.  I have noticed I have really being sleeping hard these past several nights.  A deep, deep sleep like I can't remember having for such a long time.  I am reading books again and bought a new puzzle (cheesy I know).  It is Sunday and I am not stressed or preparing for a week of kids, teaching and trying to keep up.  The house is cleaner than it has been in a long time and I feel quiet.  Bella napped today and is up with me now but it doesn't bother me...I have nothing I NEED to accomplish right now. 

Mark is enjoying teasing me about being a "free loader" and "unemployed" and a "bum".  We just laugh and I like it.  We were both on the same page about me coming home but he is a tease :)

I just feel happy.  Happy about being in our little, wonderful, loud home. :)

Dreaming....

Of this white sandy beach. :)  Three weeks and it will be ME in that sand soaking up some vitamin D with my mama.

Dreaming of this paradise of a coffee place!  They serve the best iced tea EVER!  Their nutty Hawaiian latte is nothing to shake your head at either!  Visiting the Honolulu Coffee Company is on our list for the first morning we are in Waikiki...well probably EVERY morning we are there.  

I can't wait to take a really long walk to a hotel that I dream about often.  I had the privilege to stay at the Hilton Hawaiian Village when I was 9 years old.  It made an impression.  The pools are incredible and the grounds are amazing!  Plus...can you say HELLO Hawaii 5-0!!!  The Hilton Hawaiian Village is practically featured in EVERY episode. 

Dreaming of Matsomotos Hawaiian Shave Ice.  I haven't had a brain freeze from their shave ice since 1997!  We will partake in a little shave ice on our day we venture up to the North Shore.  Hmmm...what flavor will I be having?

Visiting the Turtle Bay Resort will be on my list of things I am dreaming of seeing.  My mom and dad always took us up to the north shore to escape the fast paced Waikiki beach for a few days.  The views from this hotel are breathtaking.  Every room is an ocean view!  Mama says its been upgraded since the last time I was there, but still hoping to see some incredible surfing.

No trip to the North Shore of Oahu would be complete with a finding several LOST sights from the TV series.  You better believe we are finding this LOST beach!  I'm glad my Mama is a LOST fan and will put up with my adventures :)

Dreaming...can't wait for my little adventure/escape/relaxation.  I need to recharge.

Three Years...

 

Three years ago we said hello to our sweet baby girl...Isabella Mary-Ann...

 

Three years ago Dr. Bishop delivered and handed us our sweet baby girl.  After eight years of trying and failing, I don't know if either one of us believed this day would ever come.  

 

Three years ago I knew what instant love really was.  How you could love someone instantly and deeply in a moment.  She changed my world for the better.  I still have moments I look at her and want to pinch myself and thing, "wow...she really is a miracle.  She really is mine."

Two years ago we celebrated her first birthday.  She is like her mommy and LOVES chocolate!

Grace and Bella have been constant companions.  Here she is on her 1st birthday bald and beautiful!  Grace looks like a baby at 6 years old.

 

Here on her 2nd birthday you begin to see her spit-fire personality and sense of humor.  She is the funniest child.  She had a love affair with Elmo in her 2nd year.  She carried that Elmo around with her everywhere for a while. 

 



 One year ago, she celebrated turning 2 years old with an Elmo birthday. 

Today...she turned 3 years old.  At 8:13am I held her in arms and told her about her birthday.  She squirmed around me said, "yet go of me mommy," and proceeded to get her brother and sister to smell her stinky feet.  Oh well :)  It's that personality coming through.  I always say she has her daddy's personality.  This years birthday was a "Dora" theme.  She was very into unwrapping the presents and blowing out the candles.  I told her today "Happy Birthday Bella."  And she says to me in her high pitched squeaky voice "Happy Birthday Mommy!"

 

 

Saying Goodbye

 On Thursday I will say goodbye....

I will hug each one of my students that understand what hug means and say "good bye". 

I will hug Gina (my amazing wonder woman of a teaching assistant) and cry because I will truly miss her and who she is to me.



 On Thursday, I will clean this mess up one more time and say good bye to the kayos, the stress, the frustration, the paperwork....oh the paperwork (I will not miss you). 

I will relinquish my burden and my keys to the new teacher recently hired.  She is full of new ideas, excitement and zest for the new position.  I am happy for her...just as I had been last June.  I was so happy!  This will be the last time the classroom looks this way.  After spring break, a new teacher a different design.  And that is good.   

I will say good bye to my families that welcomed me with open arms, brought me produce from their gardens and orchards and included me in Christmas giving. 

But I will say hello to my little family, that has been second in line since the teaching position began.  I will reclaim my place and title as stay at home mother to now 3 children with special needs.  I will have only two main titles in my life now...wife and mom.  Many other titles I have let fall by the way side.  I have learned a difficult lesson in all this.  I paid a high price and I am grateful for a God that is merciful and patient and that allows me grace when I make mistakes.  





I will say goodbye to this small town that decorates for the seasons.  I always felt a strong connection to my grandma and grandpa as I drove past the US Bank that my Grandy worked at for years. 

When I walk out of my portable classroom this coming Thursday, I will release the burdens I have carried for the last 9 months.  These baby gates helped slow down the escapees but never truly offered peace of mind for runners.  I will release the pressure to make sure I taught well enough, planned enough, did enough.  I never felt like I have ever been enough in this job.  And I never felt as though I have been enough at home.  It's been a lose/lose situation for me. 

 

So after much discussion, talking and praying, the answer to Mark and I was simple.  Come home.  Let it go.  Be mom.  Walk forward and don't look back.  Press on.  Continue the fight.  Take care of my family.  Take care of me.

Since accepting the position, I haven't taken care of myself.  I haven't been keeping up on appointments.  So it is time to focus on me.  I've been to see my primary care already.  I need to go to the dentist, dermatologist, and back to see my therapist.  I really need someone to help me process everything that has happened in the last 9 months.  I need to slow down, to stop even for awhile and breathe. 

Worn

Sometimes music can speak to you exactly what you need to hear.  I've heard this song so many times on the radio, but it wasn't until I was putting the girls to bed tonight that I really heard the song on their radio.

Life has been really difficult around our home these past couple of months.  Most days after teaching special needs kiddos, coming home to parent special needs kids and trying to keep up with all the therapies, I feel that I have NOTHING left.  I've been short more times than I want to admit and exhausted. 

These realities have required that Mark and I re-exam our life, our priorities, and our goals.  Ultimately we have decided that I am going to be home full time.  Part time work, just turned out to be a lot more "part-time" than I was realizing it would be.  20 hours a week quickly became 30 hours a week, which is nearly impossible to balance a life of three kids with special needs.

This song was written by Tenth Avenue North Called Worn

I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

My prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn
Even before the day begins
I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn

Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though, I'm worn
I'm worn

K12

Our adventures in homeschooling are off to a good start.  Grace started at Evergreen Flex Academy.  She is in a 2nd/3rd grade class Monday and Tuesday mornings.  She felt a bit nervous today but was a trooper.  Her teacher Mrs. L placed her in a table group with some cute girls.  A sweet little boy came up to her and gave her a picture to welcome her to class.  She liked feeling welcome.  This afternoon she pulled out her front tooth.  I am so happy as it has been dangling in her mouth for days, but she wouldn't let anyone touch it.  I told her to "be brave".  I was proud she finally did it!

In addition to the two days she attends Evergreen Flex, she will be progressing through a curriculum chosen by the district.  I have tried to embrace this process with an open mind, and part of this process is using the curriculum that the district provides.  The curriculum is called K12.  As an educator and a busy mom, I am happy to report that so far I really love this curriculum.  It is online based, but there are books, manipulatives, readers and all sorts of fun things that are coming to our home soon.  In fact I was incredibly excited to see Handwriting Without Tears (my favorite handwriting program) on the list of things coming in a big box to our home.  Originally it was on my list of things to get for Grace, and I was happy to cross it out and even happier when I didn't have to pay for it!  All of this curriculum is being provided for free by the school district.  I will be excited for the boxes to arrive.  Grace and I are tracking the shipment.  In addition the lessons are colorful, she works both on the computer and in workbooks.  The program also keeps track of attendance and when lessons are completed time is automatically added to her attendance bank. 

Grace seems to be happier settling into her new schedule and routine.  We were able to make cookies and do some fun activities.  We recently renewed our zoo pass and I hear there is new aquarium in Portland that I would like to take the kids too.  I feel really blessed today!